The Hidden Problem With Porn

When some people talk about their use of porn, they get defensive. "It’s harmless! Watching porn is just how I cope. In fact, it actually improves my marriage because it’s how I blow off steam. It’s no big deal. It’s just looking. What’s the harm in daydreaming and indulging in a little bit of fantasy?"

Well, here's the problem. Any good salesman knows if he can get you to at least give something a try, then you're more likely to buy.

"Just see how those shoes feel on your feet as you walk around the store.”

“Hop in that car and take it for test drive to see how it handles.”

“Just try a spoonful of this rocky road ice cream."

Salespeople know that if you experience a little, then you’re much more likely to want to experience more.

It’s hard to quit donuts.

Imagine a guy whose weakness is eating donuts. He vows he’s going to quit donuts for good. He makes promises to his family. He even has people at church praying for him and asks the pastor to cast out the spirit of Krispy Kreme from his life. He means business. But…

On his commute to work he still listens to donut jingles. Late at night, he watches shows about making chocolate krullers. He stills tells jokes about bear claws at the office. At his workspace, he even has a pastry calendar with a big cinnamon roll in the centerfold.

Pretty soon, he’s skimming magazines at the pharmacy looking for glossy donut coupons. He remembers how good the coffee is at the local donut shop. "I’ll just stop in and get some coffee. After all, it’s just coffee."

What's going to happen? It’s just a matter of time before that guy is going to be knee-deep in sprinkles and glaze with an apple fritter in one hand and a jelly-filled donut in the other.

So what does all of this have to do with you? If you don't intend to be unfaithful to your spouse, but keep putting yourself in position to be tempted: you’re not being smart. Regardless of your good intentions and self-imposed limits, it’s just a matter of time before you’re going to move out of bounds.

When you play with fire, you get burned.

Listen to what Solomon writes in Proverbs 6: “Do not lust in your heart... Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?”

With what Solomon says here, I can't help but think about pornography and marriage. Probably the most common way people lust is exactly as he described: in their hearts. Solomon makes it clear that you can't mess around with lust and think you’re not going to get burned. You can't walk down that road without eventually scorching your feet.

You may wonder, “But is porn really that big of a deal? It’s never burned me!" We only see the pleasure side of the fantasy. Just like the donut guy. We don’t look at the end result of where it leads. We only see the upside.

So here is what you need to know: porn turns sex into a commodity. It makes sex something that's based only on your individual needs & preferences.

With your porn habit, it may seem like nobody gets hurt. There’s a little bit of pleasure. You’re sure you won't get addicted. You’re convinced you’ve got it all under control.

But here’s the problem: it desensitizes you. It shapes your view of what sex is and should be.

Studies have found that people who experienced repeated exposure to porn found their spouse less attractive and found sex less satisfying. The reason that happens is because porn causes you to have a very self-centered view of sex, where love and commitment have nothing to do with it.

“Porn causes you to have a very self-centered view of sex, where love and commitment have nothing to do with it.”

As a result, it destroys your capacity to experience sexual fulfillment. It causes you to start to think that a real body isn't good enough. Or that only one body. Or that your spouse's body isn’t good enough.

No woman (or man), no matter how beautiful, can live up to what you see in porn. Because it isn’t real. Yet it shapes our view and sets our expectations.

So Solomon wants you to understand: you never really "get away with” indulging in lust. Because it affects you. It changes you.

So here’s the marriage tip: recognize the danger of playing with fire and choose to have eyes for only your mate. Don't mess around with other donuts.

Do you know what the result of that will be? Sex with your spouse will become more fulfilling than ever. Why? Because you'll be experiencing real intimacy.